joke:
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the
ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He
gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the
line. He says: "Okay, now what?"
joke:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good
dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some
hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in
Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and
insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has
stolen our tent!"
joke:
A man walking down the street sees another man with a very big dog.  The
man says: "Does your dog bite?" The other man replies: "No, my dog doesn't
bite."  The first man then pats the dog, has his hand bitten off, and shouts
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"  The other man replies: "That's not
my dog."
joke:
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
joke:
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
joke:
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
joke:
I just got a new job at a prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
joke:
A Mexican magician says that he'll disappear on the count of three.
"Uno... dos..." POOF!
He disappears without a tres.
joke:
I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was
gathering dust.
joke:
Moses was the first person to use Ctrl-C as a shortcut.
joke:
Argh! I just spent $300 on a limousine rental and discovered that
the fee doesn't include a driver!! I can't believe I spent all that money and
have nothing to chauffeur it.
joke:
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it.
joke:
Knock knock.
Race condition.
Who's there?
joke:
Sew these three strings walk into a bar. The first string walks up to the
bartender and asks for a beer in a twiny voice.

"Yer a string, aintcha?!" barked the bartender. "Well I don't serve your type
here, so git!"

"The nerve of that guy!" raged the second string. "I'll get some service." And
the second string marched up to the bartender with determination and pride.
"A-hem! Give me a beer ... NOW."

Unflinching, the bartender yelled, "This is MY establishment and NO one ... NO
ONE tells me who I have to serve! Get out, you STRING, or I'll set my dawg on
you!" With a twisted expression, the second string returned to his friends, fit
to be tied.

"Darn it, let's take him!" the second string yelled with every fiber of his
being. "His type threatens the very fabric of society! We cannot bow to this
prejudice, sew let's strand in one ac-cord!" (As you know, a cord of three
strands is not quickly broken.)

Not about to be needled by the bartender, the third string gained his composure
and, to the great surprise of his friends, said "Watch this!" and left the bar.
Outside, he vigorously messed up his hair and twisted himself up so that he was
barely recognizable. "You may have lost your chance at a beer, but a stitch in
time saves mine."  Confidently, he strode back into the bar and asked the
bartender for a beer.

"Sure, coming right u... Hey .... " The bartender paused and considered the
disguised string carefully. "Aren't you one of those strings?"

"Nope. I'm a frayed knot!"